observationist
Observation is the Key.... Age is the lock.
What does my mind say?
loveIt says it's being pulled & twisted & laxed & knotted up.... like the string of a well used yo-yo in the hands of a 9 year old who doesn't take the time to unwind it or even put it down for a bit. He just keeps playing with it.... pulling the windings apart & wrapping it all back up.... letting it fly off his fingers only to be tangled again due to the tension of it all.... No problem. Just pull it tighter to untangle the windings & set it all up again........
It's telling me that it needs a break. It needs to think about other things.... But it's stuck.... It's stuck on things that my heart doesn't want to stop thinking about. These things were on my mind so much that being without them wasn't even a thought. The notion was there, yet it was never fully realized. It never got beyond "it could happen." My mind never thought it would really have to think about it actually happening.... never thought it would need to deal with such a thing.... Such a difference.... Such a loss........
But now.... Now it does. It is being forced to think of the "unthinkable." Because it's here. Exactly what it never prepaired itself for.... not exactly what it didn't want, but close. It's not a total loss.... it's a substantial loss. A loss of some sort of integrity.... of substance. The loss of a sense of innocence. Something that's always been important to my heart.... and my mind.
My mind says it.... yet it doesn't know. Anything can happen. So many things.... So many things.... Things that "won't" happen.... Things that shouldn't happen.... Things that are unknown. Some things have already happened.... they make my mind reel with pain.... hurt. Yet they shouldn't. It has no right to feel as such. No right.... but a personal claim of sorts. It has a basis for the sorrow.... A right for itself, but not for another. Not worthy enough to stop these "things" from happening. Not that these things are wrong or bad. They're just not what my mind expected....Not what it wanted.... Not my mind & certainly not my heart. But they are what they are. There's nothing either my mind or my heart can do.... Not even my body. It's too late. They've all let my chance pass me by again. I have to move on.... again.
My mind says it needs a new thought.... but my heart won't let go of this one.... My mind won't let my heart let go of this one. I won't let this thought go. It means too much too me.... But I do have to make room for another.... and that's the hardest part........ I must empty part of my heart before I can have room for another thought.... Even though this is what I must do................
Empty Dreams never die.
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